Get your shine on

Sucker duck Martin Peretz decides to get mocky on Beezy's hairstyle. Apparently, the New Republic style guide has no truck with figurative language, because mayne elects to parse the compound adjective "blow-dried" literally:

I come to John Kerry's defense. Senator Joe Biden, in announcing his candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination, was so patronizing of Barack Obama and insulting to other black politicians that maybe he thought he had to be just plain nasty to rest of the contenders, real and imagined. He called Kerry and Al Gore "blow-dried" politicians. Let me start with Gore. The first time I discussed his hair volume with him was 1988, the first time he ran for the party's nod. I suggested Rogaine, later Propecia, subtle blow drying. I was and am an expert of these subterfuges. They're how I take care of the visual consequences of aging. Let me just say that Al doesn't use any of the miracle products, and he's got enough hair and enough hair in the right places not to use blow-dryer. Honest.

Let us concede: Beezy's kinda thin on top. And Lil John does, in fact, rock rough and stuff with the Afro puffs. But let us not judge a man by his baldness; Beezy is from an august lineage:


Above: Guru, a.k.a Baldhead Slick


Above: Onyx. Ack like you know.


Above: The non plus ultra of fly says, "Martin Peretz don't want no parts of me."

Do the knowledge

While rumors of the death of Beezy's presidential campaign have been greatly exaggerated, JBITO has never flinched in the face of world-historical truth: Shit looks grim for Jump-Off. Peep.

There are three words any member of the American political landscape fears to hear; sadly, in this instance, we must commence to speaking the raspy shit. Those three words are: tied with Kucinich. Though Beezy has infinity more popularity than the actually apeshit Gravel (who inexplicably pronounces his name to rhyme with "caravelle," not like the tiny rocks. Step your phoneme game up, god), he is getting shit-beat by all the marquee contenders. And the fact that the DNC's own Trick Daddy got out-thugged by motherfucking Bill Richardson at this Saturday's wildly anticlimactic DNC winter meeting does not bode well for the future. Beezy: you are appearing at shit Chris Dodd won't show up for, and you got sonned by a goddamn southwest governor whose theme song is "Lean on Me."

I command you to start getting money, dun. Those black flags on the sunset? They're tied to the roof of John Edwards' fly-ass campaign whip.

Joe Biden not thugged out this weekend, so we brought in a substitute

Tom Vilsack at the DNC winter meeting: "I'm tired of policies governed by fear."